I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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