Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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