He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
