Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
