you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
