i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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