Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
