i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
