No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
