is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize