I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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