Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
