i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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