He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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