We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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