i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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