Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
