I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
