You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
