If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
