When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
