Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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