Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
