I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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