dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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