I just saw a hot homeless man
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
