oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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