i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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