the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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