He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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