I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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