i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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