I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
