i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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