it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
