remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
