you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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