I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
