There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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