It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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