sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
