Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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