I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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