I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
