If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
as a side note pls kill me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
