if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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