Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
