Life is so much better after having sex.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
