Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
