my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
