I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
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She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I need a burrito and a hug.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
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I got inside last night via doggy door
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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