an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
