There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
