I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
