the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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