where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
