Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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