girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
