Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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