check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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