the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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