i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
