i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
