Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
