I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
