Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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