Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
