i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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