last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I have demons in me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
