Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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