I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
