..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
please come you make the beer taste better
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
