I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We were destined to go to rehab together
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
