I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
