we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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