i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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