just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
