im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
