i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
